The stories we tell ourselves about any event or experience can have a huge influence on how we feel, act and behave and on the choices we make. Especially in times of crisis it’s important that our stories are realistic, balanced and lead to effective thinking and useful choices and behaviour. Following is a list of thinking ‘strategies’ that are not useful or balanced. Try and catch these slippery and sneaky thoughts. Tomorrow I will post some strategies to challenge them.
All-or-Nothing Thinking
With all-or-nothing thinking you see things as being either black or white, never as shades of grey. How are you slipping into all or nothing patterns as things get tough during this new normal?
Reminder: Where are the shades of grey in this?
Filtering
Every moment of every day we screen out sounds around us.
We have to do this. There is too much information at any one time to understand all at once. The problem comes when you screen out all of the positive and neutral information and only pay attention to the negative things. As a result, life seems bleak and depressing. Currently it is very easy to lose balance.
Reminder: Pay attention to the whole picture. Turn off the news and only listen at most once a day. Every evening write down three things that have been good, even simple things.
Under-focusing
Under-focusing is thinking of too many problems, worries, or demands at once.
Every thought reminds you of another problem or demand, then another, then another until you feel completely overwhelmed. You cannot think effectively in threat mode.
Reminder: One thing at a time. Human beings are only able to think clearly about one thing at a time. Set aside the main stack of demands and focus on the one thing that most needs your attention now. This is an opportunity to practice mindful attention. Find even a small thing you can do to have an effect on your situation.
Disqualifying the Positive
You ignore or reject all of the positives by insisting that they "don't count" for some reason or other. In this way negative belief becomes your only lens. No matter how insignificant note the positives. “I am stuck inside yet I could look out at the sun”. I had time to play with my child today”.
Reminder: Positives count. Recognize that the positive things in your life are at least as important and meaningful as the negative things. Acknowledging ‘positives’, better moments, tiny bright points can balance and improve mood. Some research even suggests that more balanced, less threat focused thinking can help strengthen the immune response.
Fortune-Telling and Catastrophizing
You can tell the future, and the future looks grim. You anticipate that things will always turn out badly and you feel convinced that your predictions are accurate. Your job is on hold and you predict you will never get back on track financially or loose your home. One of the problems with fortune-telling is you experience an emotional impact as though the entire future catastrophe has really happened. You may indeed be laid off and still this does not mean you will not be able to recover. It will be tough.
Reminder: You don't own a crystal ball. Try to deal with events in the present.
Emotional Reasoning
You assume that your negative emotions reflect things the way they really are. "I feel it so it must be true." "I'm afraid of getting more depressed, so I must be on the way to depression." "I feel hopeless, so there must be no hope." But remember: Your emotions depend on what you think is going on, not on what’s really going on. If you see the situation the wrong way (“The boss’s frown means she hates me”) you will experience the wrong emotion (fear of being fired). Most people who use emotional reasoning only do so with unpleasant emotions. They never assume that when they feel happy everything must be fine.
Reminder: Don't believe everything you feel.
Underestimating Your ability to Cope
Sometimes the worst does happen. You lose your job. You can’t pay a bill. You or someone you care about gets ill. If you tell yourself you cannot cope, handle it or tolerate it, then it is far less likely you will be able to.
Reminder: Think about how you have coped in the past. You are stronger than you think.